he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
