is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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