I just pynch a tree in the face
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
