Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
