i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
