I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
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