There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
