Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
