NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
