hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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