at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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