The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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