just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
