Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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