Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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