hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
the raccoons are back...
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