I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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