you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
