By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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