I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
