he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
