My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
