oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
