So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
