i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
