i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
