Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
