I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
