Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
