I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
