He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
