Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
