do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
