alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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