you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
