she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
