I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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