The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
