So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
