TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
