The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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