It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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