'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
