From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
