should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
