There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
