Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
