wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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