So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
