and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
