if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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