Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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